Hey Peter, thank you, that was a well written meditation on trauma. This is a journey I have been on for a long time, since I was a kid, and I totally relate to what you are saying. My healing also started when I realised the harm I was doing to those around me, and I realised that I had to take responsibility for my healing and be fully accountable for my actions. In my case I was told I had a disorder, cptsd (or c-tept), which is a notion I reject, as I understand capitalism as the 'disorder' not my reaction to it. I also find it interesting how many people who identify as anarchists have had these kinds of experiences and wonder if there is a correlation between traumatic experiences of hierarchy and oppression and engagement in anti-oppressive, liberatory politics. For me and some others that I know this is absolutely the case. A small group of us in UK are working around these issues, around collective care and healing in the context of anti-hierarchical thinking, this is good. We are also working on anti-patriarchal structures and opposing the masculine- trauma narratives of the right. I wish you well my friend. markos
I feel like we definitely need support groups for going up against the system, as deconditioning can be traumatic, severing from materialism can be traumatic, isolating, so forth. Peter mentioned there not being a 12 step program for it, but I've been thinking about AIA - or Anti-Imperialist Anonymous and how if there were support meetings to share struggles/hopes, much like what happens in AGs naturally but more structured, routine, showing up for the newcomer. Being of service to community.
Yes, I hear you. My perspective is that conditions are different everywhere and that there is no one size fits all remedy. In some cases what is needed is real support for the immediate trauma of being subjected to state violence, being beaten by the cops or worse. Sometimes its more systemic, relating to the racist-cis-hetero-normative-patriarchal-capitalist hellscape we find ourselves living in. Its complicated, and we, imo, shouldn't try to deny that complexity. When I've tried to explain how I'm traumatised by state violence, capitalism, masculinity, climate crisis, white supremacy etc my therapists( not all of them)have looked bemused and like they want to brush those feelings/thoughts away, because they not equipped or trained to deal with these issues. What feels useful is to create non-hierarchical spaces where we can talk about these issues and support each other, as community, and try to find useful strategies based on collective core values that work for making the better world we hold in our hearts.
That's so awful, and not at all surprising unfortunately, that experience with therapists. Without a doubt, most experts reproduce the power dynamics of our society and refuse to see the same things that the institutions that train them simultaneously erase and reproduce.
I hope you can find the support and the spaces of sharing you need.
Thank you so much for writing this and for the vulnerability. As a fellow therapy-resistent person, in my case because i perfected masking my neurodivergence, i especially appreciated reading your thoughts on therapy. One aspect you don't mention explictly is the power imbalance intrinsic to most therapy settings. Because of that aspect some of us anarchists in San Francisco looked into Co-Counseling in the late 80s/early 90s. Later i dropped it, when i found out it had its origins from disgruntled Scientologists. But the basic idea still sounds very appealing to me, a sort of mutual aid therapy setting. Have you got any experience in something like that? I recently discovered a similar theory called MAST Mutual Aid/Self Therapy. If i understand it right it was developed and practiced by anarchists in NYC. But i have not found others who want to do it yet.
Thanks, I'm glad you are finding things here you like. No, I don't have experience with that kind of therapy, although I definitely prefer settings in which the therapist is trying to create a helpful space without trying to diagnose me or exercise power over me
I hesitate to add this recommendation, but I am a practitioner of narrative therapy, which has a healthy focus on challenging and subverting power dynamics. It was originally and semi-jokingly called Foucault therapy due to the influence of postmodernism and Foucault's take on power. Anyway, I said I hesitate, because much of therapy education in the US is so reductive and reactionary that there are hundreds of people self-labeling as narrative therapists whose only connection to narrative therapy is that they use the word "stories" often.
@Peter: Yeah, i am not saying there aren't good therapists out there. There might be, but sadly i have yet to find a therapist, who as you say creates a helpful space and not only claims that he or she does. I might live in the wrong country for that. And to be fair, i have given up my search.
I might be a bit old school in that way, but what bothers me is the intrinsic nature of the power imbalance. It is the therapist who decides to, or pretends to, create a helpful space, and is i the "therapee", who needs to shop around for such a therapist (to often get disappointed). I am never fully at ease either, because they still have the power to section me, or say with suicidal thoughts, commit me. Plus there's the money aspect and hence the capitalistic logic that underpins the relationship, intrinsically so as well. That's why i am interested in these mutual aid approaches. Co-Counseling does have problematic aspects, but practicing it with my anarchist community all those years ago continues to be my deepest therapeutic experience.
@radish: Thanks for that info, i had not heard of narrative therapy. But. Same objection, and you already do mention it, don't they all pretend to practice that?
Here's one of the zines by the Jane Adams Collective on MAST, in case you are interested:
Yeah, I definitely feel you there! We have to compartmentalize going into therapy, knowing not to talk about thoughts of self-harm, and knowing we have to leave our "politics" out of it-- which aren't just politics or opinions, they're practices and experiences and needs we orient our lives around!
In your essay you describe it beautifully, how fast we understand "the codex" (for lack of a better word), of what is okay to say and what isn't, what is risky to say, what they want to hear from us and what we are meant to say in order to receive a cookie.
Hi friends, I wanted to respond to this weeks ago, and then the world had other plans.
The intrinsic power imbalance in therapy is very real. I would say that most therapists believe they are creating safe spaces. Some are very happy with power imbalances. Drug rehabs and prisons are filled with them. I think that counseling theories themselves can be very limiting. CBT and other common modalities are very intertwined with diagnostic, pathologizing, and colonial attitudes.
I appreciate that narrative therapy acknowledges the power imbalance everywhere it can. Transparency can be key. I find that bringing politics into therapy is central to its efficacy, although I can certainly add that this is not a common view. I agree with Peter that they are experiences that we orient our lives around. I’m excited to check out the zine on MAST. If you are curious about narrative therapy, here is a link to a lecture by Travis Heath, one of the more well-known narrative therapists currently. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be0WvqBFK3I
This is a really great essay that will stick with me for a long while. Thank you for your vulnerability and thoughtful articulation Peter. Healing is possible, if not usually probable, but I believe there are many of us invested and toiling in solidarity. Three cheers for the beings we may become!
Hi Peter! Don't know how or when I started subscribing to your essays but so grateful that I do. I loved your breakdown showing how toxic masculinity is conditioned as depicted by the frat hazing process. I'm currently reading Love in a f*cked up world and your work and Dean's compliment each other so nicely.
I really appreciate that, and I'm glad you're finding good complementarity there (I'm also reading Dean's book! a few pages at a time, just to give myself more time to reflect)
As a millennial who grew up on movies, and as a member of a family who used cinema as a crutch to explain and, at times, evade, hard topics, I believe that this essay is profound and timely. I have seen GWH (and own), and I truly appreciate your perspective—especially considering our timeline. As I work to decolonize my being, reparent myself, and heal from trauma, I’m realizing that part of healing is acknowledging my part in creating trauma within the systemic systems I participated in, and, now, accepting that I have made cognitive actionable steps to repair harm and spread awareness. Thank you for your humility and empathy.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerable insights and experiences, Peter. This really resonated. Wishing you the best as you continue along your healing journey.
Thank you, Peter! A few days ago someone recommended a book that talked about love being the only/main thing needed for healing. I really appreciate you adding more of a systemic critique of power to healing and transformation.
Hey Peter, thank you, that was a well written meditation on trauma. This is a journey I have been on for a long time, since I was a kid, and I totally relate to what you are saying. My healing also started when I realised the harm I was doing to those around me, and I realised that I had to take responsibility for my healing and be fully accountable for my actions. In my case I was told I had a disorder, cptsd (or c-tept), which is a notion I reject, as I understand capitalism as the 'disorder' not my reaction to it. I also find it interesting how many people who identify as anarchists have had these kinds of experiences and wonder if there is a correlation between traumatic experiences of hierarchy and oppression and engagement in anti-oppressive, liberatory politics. For me and some others that I know this is absolutely the case. A small group of us in UK are working around these issues, around collective care and healing in the context of anti-hierarchical thinking, this is good. We are also working on anti-patriarchal structures and opposing the masculine- trauma narratives of the right. I wish you well my friend. markos
I feel like we definitely need support groups for going up against the system, as deconditioning can be traumatic, severing from materialism can be traumatic, isolating, so forth. Peter mentioned there not being a 12 step program for it, but I've been thinking about AIA - or Anti-Imperialist Anonymous and how if there were support meetings to share struggles/hopes, much like what happens in AGs naturally but more structured, routine, showing up for the newcomer. Being of service to community.
Yes, I hear you. My perspective is that conditions are different everywhere and that there is no one size fits all remedy. In some cases what is needed is real support for the immediate trauma of being subjected to state violence, being beaten by the cops or worse. Sometimes its more systemic, relating to the racist-cis-hetero-normative-patriarchal-capitalist hellscape we find ourselves living in. Its complicated, and we, imo, shouldn't try to deny that complexity. When I've tried to explain how I'm traumatised by state violence, capitalism, masculinity, climate crisis, white supremacy etc my therapists( not all of them)have looked bemused and like they want to brush those feelings/thoughts away, because they not equipped or trained to deal with these issues. What feels useful is to create non-hierarchical spaces where we can talk about these issues and support each other, as community, and try to find useful strategies based on collective core values that work for making the better world we hold in our hearts.
That's so awful, and not at all surprising unfortunately, that experience with therapists. Without a doubt, most experts reproduce the power dynamics of our society and refuse to see the same things that the institutions that train them simultaneously erase and reproduce.
I hope you can find the support and the spaces of sharing you need.
Thank you so much for writing this and for the vulnerability. As a fellow therapy-resistent person, in my case because i perfected masking my neurodivergence, i especially appreciated reading your thoughts on therapy. One aspect you don't mention explictly is the power imbalance intrinsic to most therapy settings. Because of that aspect some of us anarchists in San Francisco looked into Co-Counseling in the late 80s/early 90s. Later i dropped it, when i found out it had its origins from disgruntled Scientologists. But the basic idea still sounds very appealing to me, a sort of mutual aid therapy setting. Have you got any experience in something like that? I recently discovered a similar theory called MAST Mutual Aid/Self Therapy. If i understand it right it was developed and practiced by anarchists in NYC. But i have not found others who want to do it yet.
Thanks, I'm glad you are finding things here you like. No, I don't have experience with that kind of therapy, although I definitely prefer settings in which the therapist is trying to create a helpful space without trying to diagnose me or exercise power over me
I hesitate to add this recommendation, but I am a practitioner of narrative therapy, which has a healthy focus on challenging and subverting power dynamics. It was originally and semi-jokingly called Foucault therapy due to the influence of postmodernism and Foucault's take on power. Anyway, I said I hesitate, because much of therapy education in the US is so reductive and reactionary that there are hundreds of people self-labeling as narrative therapists whose only connection to narrative therapy is that they use the word "stories" often.
@Peter: Yeah, i am not saying there aren't good therapists out there. There might be, but sadly i have yet to find a therapist, who as you say creates a helpful space and not only claims that he or she does. I might live in the wrong country for that. And to be fair, i have given up my search.
I might be a bit old school in that way, but what bothers me is the intrinsic nature of the power imbalance. It is the therapist who decides to, or pretends to, create a helpful space, and is i the "therapee", who needs to shop around for such a therapist (to often get disappointed). I am never fully at ease either, because they still have the power to section me, or say with suicidal thoughts, commit me. Plus there's the money aspect and hence the capitalistic logic that underpins the relationship, intrinsically so as well. That's why i am interested in these mutual aid approaches. Co-Counseling does have problematic aspects, but practicing it with my anarchist community all those years ago continues to be my deepest therapeutic experience.
@radish: Thanks for that info, i had not heard of narrative therapy. But. Same objection, and you already do mention it, don't they all pretend to practice that?
Here's one of the zines by the Jane Adams Collective on MAST, in case you are interested:
https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/the-jane-addams-collective-mutual-aid-self-social-therapy
Yeah, I definitely feel you there! We have to compartmentalize going into therapy, knowing not to talk about thoughts of self-harm, and knowing we have to leave our "politics" out of it-- which aren't just politics or opinions, they're practices and experiences and needs we orient our lives around!
In your essay you describe it beautifully, how fast we understand "the codex" (for lack of a better word), of what is okay to say and what isn't, what is risky to say, what they want to hear from us and what we are meant to say in order to receive a cookie.
Hi friends, I wanted to respond to this weeks ago, and then the world had other plans.
The intrinsic power imbalance in therapy is very real. I would say that most therapists believe they are creating safe spaces. Some are very happy with power imbalances. Drug rehabs and prisons are filled with them. I think that counseling theories themselves can be very limiting. CBT and other common modalities are very intertwined with diagnostic, pathologizing, and colonial attitudes.
I appreciate that narrative therapy acknowledges the power imbalance everywhere it can. Transparency can be key. I find that bringing politics into therapy is central to its efficacy, although I can certainly add that this is not a common view. I agree with Peter that they are experiences that we orient our lives around. I’m excited to check out the zine on MAST. If you are curious about narrative therapy, here is a link to a lecture by Travis Heath, one of the more well-known narrative therapists currently. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be0WvqBFK3I
This is a really great essay that will stick with me for a long while. Thank you for your vulnerability and thoughtful articulation Peter. Healing is possible, if not usually probable, but I believe there are many of us invested and toiling in solidarity. Three cheers for the beings we may become!
thank you, I appreciate that!
Hi Peter! Don't know how or when I started subscribing to your essays but so grateful that I do. I loved your breakdown showing how toxic masculinity is conditioned as depicted by the frat hazing process. I'm currently reading Love in a f*cked up world and your work and Dean's compliment each other so nicely.
I really appreciate that, and I'm glad you're finding good complementarity there (I'm also reading Dean's book! a few pages at a time, just to give myself more time to reflect)
This is such an excellent essay -- I just had to come and say that here.
thank you
As a millennial who grew up on movies, and as a member of a family who used cinema as a crutch to explain and, at times, evade, hard topics, I believe that this essay is profound and timely. I have seen GWH (and own), and I truly appreciate your perspective—especially considering our timeline. As I work to decolonize my being, reparent myself, and heal from trauma, I’m realizing that part of healing is acknowledging my part in creating trauma within the systemic systems I participated in, and, now, accepting that I have made cognitive actionable steps to repair harm and spread awareness. Thank you for your humility and empathy.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerable insights and experiences, Peter. This really resonated. Wishing you the best as you continue along your healing journey.
Thanks so much
Thank you, Peter! A few days ago someone recommended a book that talked about love being the only/main thing needed for healing. I really appreciate you adding more of a systemic critique of power to healing and transformation.
Thank you for this Peter.
AMAZING!